SENDING YOUR CHILD TO COLLEGE, PART I

The Difficult Job of Letting Go

BY MARILYN C. MORRISON

“My baby is leaving home!”  This realization is often the beginning of an emotional roller coaster for parents as their children prepare to start college in the fall.  The summer between high school and college can be a confusing time, as families deal with the practical logistics of the move while coping with the jumble of feelings brought on by this momentous rite of passage.  Emotions run high for everyone in the family and can range from elation, pride and excitement to worry, sadness, and guilt.

This summer of transition is filled with contradictions.  Fresh from high school graduation, teens commonly vacillate between clinging to the past and asserting their independence.  One minute they’re hugging Mom and Dad, and the next minute they’re arguing about curfews.  It can be a shock when children suddenly become short-tempered or even downright nasty at home, a phenomenon described as “spoiling the nest” by Laura Kastner & Jennifer Wyatt in their book “The Launching Years.”  It’s basically nature’s way of making the upcoming separation easier for both parent and child-in other words, if things are too wonderful and loving, it will be harder to leave.

Parents are often disappointed when they discover that their child prefers to spend the summer hanging out with friends than with family.  Teens are well aware that their circle of friends will soon be broken up, and are anxious to spend every possible moment with them.  This is especially true for those students who are involved in a romantic relationship.  Meanwhile, parents are frequently sitting at home trying to plan “one last time” for those special family traditions, be it the 4th of July picnic at the lake, or the annual horror movie marathon.  Conflict is inevitable, and survival requires patience and a sense of humor.  Every family’s experience is unique, but the following tips should make the summer before college go more smoothly:

Life Skills

• Make sure that your child knows how to do laundry, sew on a button, and make airline, bus or train reservations.
• Teach teens about banking, including writing checks, using ATMs, and balancing their accounts.
• Discuss the use and dangers of credit cards, because freshmen will be bombarded with offers of free credit cards on campus.
• Work out a budget with your child, including how much money you will be contributing each semester, and how often you will send or transfer it.
• If they will be in apartment-style housing in college, demonstrate a few basic recipes and cooking techniques.

Out With the Old, In With the New

• Many students want assistance with sorting and packing their belongings, while others won’t let you anywhere near their room (and almost all of them procrastinate getting the job done).
• Cleaning out old toys and mementos represents letting go of their childhoods. Even teens who are excited about the prospect of starting fresh and being adults may need to part with their belongings in stages. After a year or two in college, those keepsakes might not seem so important.
• Let adolescents take the lead in making the decisions about their move to college. Some may want your help in choosing bed linens, shower curtains, or desk lamps, but others want to do it all themselves.
• For some students, a big going-away party is appropriate, but many prefer to celebrate with a special family dinner at home or a favorite restaurant.

College Business

• Make sure that your student pays attention to letters and email from the college. There are often important forms that must be completed during the summer, such as housing requests, health insurance waivers, loan documents, and orientation and registration materials.
• Students should fill out their own roommate questionnaires. Parents’ preferences for music, cleanliness, and bedtime are irrelevant now-your child is the one going to college!
• Don’t wait until the last minute to make hotel reservations, as those near colleges tend to fill up quickly around drop-off day.

The next article will continue with more on the topic of moving day and dealing with an empty nest.  In the meantime, expect mood swings (yours and theirs!) as you treasure the time you spend with your college-bound teen this summer.

Marilyn C. Morrison is an independent college consultant who guides students and families through the college planning and application process.  Visit Morrison Educational Consulting’s website at www.yourcollegepath.com, or contact Marilyn at  moredcon@sbcglobal.net.