The Parenting Coach: Warning—Radical Thinking on Re-evaluating Our Education System

BY GILA BROWN, M.A.

Last year, CNN reported a story about college students outsourcing their homework. Apparently, there are many online companies that, for the right price will, provide a student with a unique essay or term paper on any subject. CNN reported the story with outrage. How dare students try to cheat. We’ve created a school system and we expect our kids to live up to the expectations set forth, with integrity.

I submit that the problem lies not with the students, but with the system. A student who is truly interested in a subject, motivated to investigate it further and driven to excel at it, is not going to outsource their assignments. Under those circumstances, work doesn’t feel like work. We’ve all been there. We’ve all experienced that one project, that one book, that one subject or that one instrument that kept us up all night long. We couldn’t tear ourselves away from it. We just couldn’t get enough. However, when requirements are set up for students to study something that does not interest them in the least, they are forced to do one of two things. Either they comply and conform in order to earn our approval or they do the bare minimum in order to skate by. In some cases, that might include outsourcing term papers to Pakistan. However, regardless of which option a child chooses, one thing is for sure. The love of learning is cast aside.

By evaluating everything our children do in school with a grade, we give them the impression that the score is more important than the learning. In doing so, we also teach that learning in and of itself is not all that valuable. Unless there is an A+ or a gold star at the top of the page, whatever learning occurred in the process is insufficient.

It is understandable that we, as a society, have gotten sucked into believing that assessment and accountability can only come in the form of measurable, comparable scores. However, what if that weren’t the case.

The consequence of this thinking is that we teach our kids that learning is difficult, and that work is not fun. We expect education to be a one-size-fits-all system. The truth is that anything that fits everyone isn’t going to fit anyone very well.

How many of us can say that our kids truly love learning? Why is that? Consider the innate curiosity of a three, four or five year old. At that age, they love exploring. They love learning how things work. They love asking questions. So, when and why does that change?

This year, do your kids a favor. Play down the grades. Focus on teaching them a love of exploration. The best way to do this is to model it yourself. What inspires you to want to learn more? Challenge yourself to try something new. Do a bit of research. Pick up a new instrument. Take up a new hobby. Let’s make sure to teach our kids that learning is about deepening our understanding of the world. It’s not about gold stars.

© Gila Brown, 2009

Gila Brown, M.A. is a Child Development Expert and Parent Coach, with over 10 years of teaching experience. She specializes in parenting school-age children with grace, using principles of attachment parenting, positive discipline and effective communication. Visit www.GilaBrown.com to sign up for a free newsletter.

The Parenting Coach: The Two Most Important Words in the Language of Parenting

BY GILA BROWN, M.A.

Two and A Half Men is a sitcom in which a newly divorced Alan (played by Jon Cryer), along with his 10 year old son, finds himself having to ‘temporarily’ move in with his brother Charlie (played by Charlie Sheen).  In one episode, a while back, Charlie discovers the power of the words “I understand”.  An otherwise hedonistic bachelor, Charlie comes to find that, when he uses those words, and those words alone, woman eagerly throw themselves at him.  His use of that phrase encourages them to open up to him, assuming that he has a gift for understanding their feelings.  (In truth, Charlie, understands very little about woman, but is more than happy to take advantage of their adoration of him.)

Being understood is a basic need that we all have.  We feel most comfortable with the people who seem to understand us and we are more likely to continue opening up to them than to anyone else.  These are the people who refrain from criticizing and advising, but rather listen intently and without judgment.  You know who I am talking about.  Just as we find comfort in those who fit this description, so do our kids.  When we are able to take on this role for them, their trust in us is strengthened.  When they know that our intent is to understand their feelings, rather than advise and dictate what they should and shouldn’t do, then they are more eager to open up to us.

Becoming your child’s trusted confidant is not a difficult task.  Charlie discovered this with the words “I understand”.  Alternatively, parents can use the words “I see”.  Typically, when our children present us with their story of the day, we respond with our opinions, critiques and analyses.

“Why did you…?”  “Why didn’t you…?”  “That’s great!”  “You really shouldn’t…”  “If you hadn’t… then…”   “Oh, no!”

What if we were to take a different approach?  With a genuine intention to understand you child’s feelings, try responding with the words “I see” or “I understand”.  The longer you can refrain from responding with any judgment, the more information they will be willing to give.  Furthermore, as they continue to explore the experience through sharing, they will almost always resolve any issue on their own.  Through recounting their experience, they will be able to see clearly what they could have done differently and what they might still be able to do to change the outcome or results.

So, regardless of your child’s age, I challenge you to try this.  Hold back your opinions.  Use those 2 simple words.  Use them over and over again.

• “Mom!  Look at my drawing?”  “I see!”
• “Dad- I can’t stand my English teacher!”  “I see.”
• “ Jesse took my paper!”  “I see.”

With each “I see”, you are making space for your child to tell you more.

• “It’s a picture of our house!”  “I see.”
• “She always picks on me!”  “Oh, I see.”
• “She’s always taking my things when I need them.”  “I understand.”

Continue this technique until your child has shared all that they have to share.  They may ask you for advice.  But, more likely, they just need you to hear them out.

© Gila Brown, 2009

Gila Brown, M.A. is a Child Development Expert and Parent Coach, with over 10 years of teaching experience. She specializes in parenting school-age children with grace, using principles of attachment parenting, positive disciple and effective communication. Visit www.GilaBrown.com to sign up for a free newsletter.

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Now Enrolling!

Parent Workshop Series: Fall 2009

Are you tired of the parenting struggle?  Do you wish your kids were more cooperative? This is going to be an insightful and interactive program where you’ll receive life-changing tools that you can start using immediately to create the relationship you truly want with your kids.

Join a select group of parents for a 6-session workshop series, focusing on positive discipline and effective communication for school-age kids.  In order to maintain the intimacy of the group, class size is very limited.

In this workshop, you will obtain some of the most effective and powerful parenting secrets.

• Stop Yelling- Start Communicating: Get effective communication tools so that your kids will want to listen
• Learn to decode your child’s disruptive behavior, so that you can minimize it
• Get discipline techniques that are effective and productive
• Learn techniques for raising independent, responsible and self-directed children
• Have a safe and supportive community to discuss whatever current issues arise for you

Details:

Storyopolis, 14945 Ventura Bl, Sherman Oaks, CA Cost: $110

7:00-9:00 PM                  (Alternating Tuesdays: Oct. 6, 20, Nov. 3, 17, Dec. 1, 15)

A Wheel of Wellbeing, 1575 Westwood Bl., Los Angeles, CA Cost: $120

10:00 AM-12:00 PM        (Wednesdays: Nov. 4,11, 18, Dec. 2,9,16)

Sign up with a friend and each save 10%!

If you have any questions or are ready to register for the workshops, please contact Gila Brown at GilaBrown@me.com,www.GilaBrown.com or 310.497.7461.

The Parenting Coach: Uncovering a True Love of Learning

BY GILA BROWN, M.A.

When I was 13, I started taking guitar lessons.  Unfortunately, it didn’t take.  After just 2 short months of struggling with fingering and calluses, I had had enough.

I kept that guitar, though, for close to 20 years.  While I couldn’t play a thing, just having it made me feel as though someday, somehow, I just might be able to.  However, a few years ago, I finally parted with it.  I decided that I had lugged it around for far too long and frankly, it was just one more thing to dust.

Last month, for my birthday, I had the sudden urge to learn to play again.  Perhaps it was the carpe diem light bulb that so often flickers on birthdays but, with a borrowed guitar in hand, I set out to become my own rock-star… take 2.

For the past 6 weeks I have been practicing diligently.  I’ve learned some scales and a series of chords.   Somehow just holding the guitar, an instrument I chose and committed myself to learning, gives me a sense of power.  Practicing is no longer a chore.  I look forward to picking up the guitar each day.  I can hear hints of songs behind the scales I’ve been playing over and over and over… admittedly ad  nauseum.  This time, though, it’s mine.  I am not playing for anyone else.  I am not practicing for the sake of a music teacher.  I am playing at my own pace and, more importantly, for no one but me. 

As a teacher who spent years in the classroom, I can’t help but see a greater lesson here.  As parents and teachers, we are forever evaluating our children.  From being able to read to keeping their room in order, we have certain expectations as to how we want them to perform.  We decide what we believe they ought to be doing at every stage of the game.  Curse those pesky standards by which we love to measure everyone.   

However, perhaps we ought to consider the impact of imposing our own timetables on our kids.  For me, learning the guitar as a child was a chore and not at all enjoyable.  Learning later in life, when I felt ready, made process so much easier and, frankly, empowering.  Are we not more likely to love what we’re doing when we do it of our own free will, versus at the requirement set forth by someone else?  What if we were to give our children the space to learn or perform at their own pace?  If we don’t force a 5 year old to clean his room, is it unthinkable that he may at 15 of his own volition?  Just because a child struggles with Algebra in 7^th grade, will there not come a time when it just somehow clicks for him?  We all learn at our own pace.   As they say, you cannot push the river.    The river knows where to flow all by itself and so do our children, if only we will let them. 

Challenge: In what ways can you encourage your child to find his own path and pursue it at his own pace?  What means of assessment and evaluation can you remove in order to foster a genuine passion for a specific activity or subject?

Gila Brown, M.A. is a Child Development Expert and Parent Coach, with over 10 years of teaching experience. She specializes in parenting school-age children with grace, using principles of attachment parenting, positive disciple and effective communication. Visit www.GilaBrown.com to sign up for a free newsletter.

 

 

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Now Enrolling!

Parent Workshop Series: Fall 2009

Are you tired of the parenting struggle?  Do you wish your kids were more cooperative? This is going to be an insightful and interactive program where you’ll receive life-changing tools that you can start using immediately to create the relationship you truly want with your kids. 

Join a select group of parents for a 6-session workshop series, focusing on positive discipline and effective communication for school-age kids.  In order to maintain the intimacy of the group, class size is very limited. 

In this workshop, you will obtain some of the most effective and powerful parenting secrets.

• Stop Yelling- Start Communicating: Get effective communication tools so that your kids will want to listen
• Learn to decode your child’s disruptive behavior, so that you can minimize it
• Get discipline techniques that are effective and productive
• Learn techniques for raising independent, responsible and self-directed children
• Have a safe and supportive community to discuss whatever current issues arise for you

Details:

 Storyopolis, 14945 Ventura Bl, Sherman Oaks, CA                               Cost: $110      

                   7:00-9:00 PM                  (Alternating Tuesdays: Oct. 6, 20, Nov. 3, 17, Dec. 1, 15)

A Wheel of Wellbeing, 1575 Westwood Bl., Los Angeles, CA                 Cost: $120                  

10:00 AM-12:00 PM        (Wednesdays: Nov. 4,11, 18, Dec. 2,9,16)

 

Sign up with a friend and each save 10%!

 

If you have any questions or are ready to register for the workshops, please contact Gila Brown at GilaBrown@me.com, www.GilaBrown.com or 310.497.7461.

‘Don’t Smile Until Christmas’: How to Raise Independent & Responsible Children

BY GILA BROWN, M.A.

Many years ago, at the start of my first year of teaching, I was given this advice:  “Don’t smile until Christmas.” Smiling was considered a rookie move and the ‘best’ teachers managed to maintain their poker face for at least a full semester.  The fear was that, should we let on to our kids that we were friendly, easy-going people, they would take advantage and we would lose control of our classes.  Ironically, the teacher’s solution to overcoming that fear was to pass on the fear to the students by way of threats and visits to the principal’s office.

Authoritarian rule, however, is just not my style.  I felt sure that, if I treated my students with respect and compassion, they would reciprocate.  As it turns out, I was partially right.  About half of my students really thrived with that approach.  They felt free to ask questions, work independently, and connect with others (and myself) in a comfortable and authentic way.  Most importantly, they took responsibility for themselves and their learning.  However, the other half of the class did, in fact, “take advantage”.  A more accurate description, however, would be that they simply did not know how to respond in any other way.  So what was the difference?

The students who were given more freedom at home had learned how to make use of it in productive ways.  They were more comfortable with their authentic selves and they trusted their own decision-making.  For them, more freedom meant more room to explore the world around them and become increasingly independent.  For the other group, more freedom meant an opportunity to have power.  These were kids who had been conditioned to behave well only when it was required of them.  When there was no threat of punishment, there was no reason to behave.  This is a direct result of that authoritarian rule by which so many parents and teachers swear. 

The traditional approach of scaring kids into behaving is shortsighted and ineffective.  While the immediate result is that our children appear to be doing well, they are not developing the skills to do well independently.  If we want our children to become responsible, independent, and respectful, we need to model those traits now.  We need to treat them with respect and afford them opportunities to test their own independence.  We all learn to make good decisions by making decisions.  Encourage your children to develop these skills now so that they can hold their own even in the absence of authorities, threats and punishments.

Gila Brown, M.A. is a Child Development Expert and Parent Coach, with over 10 years of teaching experience.  She specializes in parenting school-age children with grace, using principles of attachment parenting, positive disciple and effective communication.  Visit www.GilaBrown.com to sign up for a free newsletter.

 

 

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Now Enrolling! Take the Struggle Out of Parenting- Workshop Series: Special Workshop with Gila Brown

Fall 2009 (October 5 – December 16)

 Are you tired of the parenting struggle?  Do you wish your kids were more cooperative? This is going to be an insightful and interactive program where you’ll receive life-changing tools that you can start using immediately to create the relationship you truly want with your kids. 

Join a select group of parents for a 6-session workshop series, focusing on positive discipline and effective communication for school-age kids.  In order to maintain the intimacy of the group, class size is very limited. 

 In this workshop, you will obtain some of the most effective and powerful parenting secrets.

• Learn to develop and trust your own instincts regarding your children’s development and behavior
• Understand what causes children’s behavior, both positive and negative
• Stop Yelling- Start Communicating: Get effective communication tools so that your kids will want to listen
• Learn to decode your child’s disruptive behavior, so that you can minimize it
• Get discipline techniques that are effective and productive
• Learn techniques for raising independent, responsible and self-directed children
• Have a safe and supportive community to discuss whatever current issues arise for you

 Details:

Where: Classes are being offered in Studio City, CA and in Westwood, CA (specific locations TBA)

When: Alternating Tuesday evenings from 7:00-9:00 PM (6 sessions)

How Much: $110  

All it takes to start getting results is a willingness and a commitment to make some changes.  If you have any questions or are ready to register for the workshops, please contact Gila Brown at (310) 497-7461 or GilaBrown@me.com.   Visit www.GilaBrown.com .

Parenting Sucks: Discipline Advice

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

My five year-old son won’t listen to me. If he misbehaves, I threaten to punish him, but he won’t stop and keeps doing it anyway. No matter how many times I warn him, he doesn’t seem to care and does whatever he wants to do. Do you have any advice for me?

Thanks,

Carla

Dear Carla,

Actually, I do have some advice, but you’re not going to like it. From what you’ve told me, it seems the source of the problem might be the way you’re handling the situation. When you say, “no matter how many times I warn him,” that’s where the problem may lie. I’m sure you’ve seen parents at the park tell their kid’s that if they bite little Jimmy one more time, they’re going to leave the park, and then when their kid leaves yet another set of teeth marks on poor little Jimmy, they don’t leave! Instead, they threaten their kid again, giving them one more chance. NO! Enough of the chances! Parents need to let their children know that when they say something, they mean business!

If your son acts inappropriately and you tell him if he does it again he’ll be punished (perhaps you’ll take his favorite toy away or he’ll lose TV time, or whatever your child’s “currency” is), you must follow through the first time! If you don’t, and you let his behavior continue, you’re teaching your son that they can keep misbehaving and there won’t be any consequence. And he gets the added bonus of watching mommy turn into a crazed lunatic!

So Carla, right now I’d like you to place your right hand over your heart and pledge that from this day forward, you promise to only give one warning and then follow through. And do this EVERY single time! If you aren’t consistent, you’ll send mixed messages to your child and this can make matters even worse. If you don’t change your ways now, the problems will grow as your kid does and one day in the not too distant future, you’ll be dealing with a son who won’t listen to you AND knows where the car keys are!

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.” Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com

Email her questions:   jkimes@sbcglobal.net

Parenting Sucks!: Bonding as a Step-Parent

Dear Joanne,

I recently married a man with a ten-year old daughter and I’m having a hard time bonding with her. I know she’s going through a lot of adjustments (as am I!) but I really want to make our relationship better. Please help.

Amy

Dear Amy,

First of all, congratulations on your marriage! But yes, being a step-parent can be quite a difficult struggle. You get all of the problems without much of the power. You’re right to develop a bond with your new step-daughter because it certainly will make things a lot easier. My advice is to figure out something the two of you enjoy doing (it could be planting a garden, riding a bike, playing a certain video or board game, cooking, playing tennis, etc.) and have a regular “date”. If you can’t find one activity that you both enjoy, go out for breakfast or frozen yogurt and take turns deciding on the place (it can even be a picnic in the park). The only rule is that during your date, you cannot buy her a gift, or it might cloud the issue of bonding into an issue of bribing.

At first, be prepared for some resentment and anger. She may feel that if she becomes closer with you, she’s somehow cheating on her mother. Or she may have other issues that she’ll need to work out. But stick with it, be consistent, and prove to her that you’re there for her.  Remember that the goal of your date is to have fun together. That’s why, no matter how much she might try to pick a fight, resist. Take a deep breath, count to ten, or heck, bite your tongue so often you could strain spaghetti with it. Just stay calm! Remember, it takes two to argue.

After time, your step-daughter will realize she can count on you and may even look forward to your weekly dates (although she may never admit this to you!). Kids thrive on tradition so take your date seriously and don’t postpone or cancel. After a few weeks or months of spending quality time together, the two of you may develop a strong bond, or at least be able to be in the same room without a screaming match. True, you may never be Carol Brady, but then again, she had a rumored fling with step-son Greg, so that might actually be a good thing! Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.” Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com Got questions? Email her jkimes@sbcglobal.net

Parenting Sucks!: Getting a head start on chores

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

I struggle everyday to get my kids to do their chores. Any suggestions?

Lyndsay

Dear Lyndsay,

Getting kids to do their chores is like getting medicine out its childproof container: totally infuriating!  But there are some tricks of the trade.

1.    Start young. As soon as your child is old enough to take his toys out of their bins, he’s old enough to put them back. Make it fun by playing “cleanup basketball” (tossing toys back into their container to earn two points), or have a race to see who can put things away the fastest.
2.    As they get older and know where things belong, kids should be responsible for putting their stuff away by themselves. I know it’s faster and easier for you do it, but give your kids an inch, and they’ll take an eternity of whining and procrastination to do chores by themselves in the future.
3.    Have them do family chores as well. If they’re old enough, let them feed the dog, empty the trashcan, even fold the laundry (don’t expect perfection. These are kids, not salespeople at The Gap).
4.    Let them earn extra privileges by doing extra chores. For example, if you only allot a few hours of computer time, they can earn extra minutes by doing things around the house (our policy is getting two minutes of computer time for every one minute of chores).
5.    When it comes to griping and whining about doing chores, try what I do. Let them know in no uncertain terms that if they complain about doing chores, they get more chores. It works like a charm!

It’s important to understand that kids must do chores. Not only does it give them the tools they need to live in the real world, but it teaches kids that they are part of a family where everybody pitches in for the sake of the whole. Besides, (and I can’t stress this enough) kids are NOT at the top of the family food chain. Parents shouldn’t wait on their children, do things they should be doing themselves, or give them more power than they deserve. If they do, kids will grow up helpless and entitled and we’ve all dated enough men like that in the past to know that that’s never a good thing!

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.” Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com

Do you have a question? Email Joanne:  jkimes@sbcglobal.net

Ask Deborah: To save or to dump, that is the question

Parent’s organizing questions to help role-model organizing to their kids!

BY DEBORAH KAWASHIMA, C.P.O.

Q: “I don’t know if we’re going to have a second child, but I’m hesitant to get rid of anything, just in case. What should I save and how do I organize and store it without resorting to just throwing everything into the attic?” — Wendy, mother of Jenna (6 months)

A: As a new mom you’re instinct is to save everything! But most of us don’t have the extra storage space and even if you did, you’re going to see that there are certain things you didn’t really need and others that you couldn’t live without! And the few favorites that are memorabilia worthy. So what’s a mom to do? Get into the routine that as your child grows out of things (clothes and toys and all that other stuff we get wrangled into having) that you start to put them into clearly labeled bins. I cannot emphasize enough the phrase “as your child grows out of things“. This is crucial… because if you leave it for the tomorrow that never ever comes…. you end up “resorting to just throwing everything into the attic” as Wendy indicated! Do this at least once a year, say on their birthday, which is a date you can never forget! By the way, this is a time-management strategy to schedule annual maintenances on your birthday.

Get six to eight large (66oz) plastic bins. If you get them all at once, they’ll all match and you have them when you need them! No excuses! Rule of thumb; if you are not having more kids within 5 years span, then do yourself a favor and pass things on instead of holding onto things “just in case”. You can always arrange to have them sent back or get hand-me downs from others.

Label bins by developmental stages and size ranges. Why size ranges? Because kids sizes are not necessarily determined by their age. A one year old child might already be in size 18-24mos  clothes or a 6 year old boy in size 8 (having already out grown boys 4-7 size range). Also, by doing this, it will be easier to pass off to relatives & friends when it’s your last child. You empty the bin in a box or bag and viola, here’s the kid’s stuff! Makes life easier and it’s what being organized is all about.

Storing Clothes: Label bins like this: Infant 0-12 mos, Infant 12-24 mos,  Toddler 2-5T, Boys 4-7, Girls 4-6x, Boys 8-20, Girls 7-14. You can break down infant and toddlers into boys & girls if you want. Or break down each size range into seasons. It all depends on how many clothes you’re saving. What NOT to save: obviously ripped or stained clothes, anything white, they usually don’t last… and some experts say no shoes, since their feet mold to the shape etc., but economically I say, save what you need to save! By all means save any special occasion, dress  clothes, handmade sweaters, anything that is a knit (sweats, tees) and jeans, uniforms, sports stuff. And save those kids clothes that cost you a fortune! While you access, was it worth it? What not to save, the clothes your kids hated to wear! Why put yourself through that power struggle again?

Storing Toys: Put toys in separate bins, since they developmentally grow out of clothes faster then other stuff.  Label ‘Infant Toys’, ‘Toddler Toys’. Save the good stuff, tried and true classics in plastic or wooden. Store puzzles in zipper lock bags only if you have ALL the pieces. Ditto, anything with lots of small pieces store in zipper lock bags. (but think…do you really need these?!) Stuffed animals are dust-mite collectors, so I say no to that! I never store away books, only holiday books. Once they are done with the board books, donate or pass on. Store memorabilia for each child in a separate bin, not to be mixed up with the hand-me downs.

What you are role-modeling is that once they are done with something, be it clothes they’ve outgrown or toys they stopped playing with, that it is time to pass it on for someone else to use. You are nurturing being giving and charitable and role modeling that we don’t hold on to things forever… only very special treasures that we deem worthy of memorabilia. The rest of our stuff is to be used again by others who need them. It’s the circle of life. If children grow up going through this process each year early on, you are giving them a valuable life skill that helps them deal with change, which is what letting go of stuff is all about, and in turn what organizing is all about; deciding what to keep and not to keep and being okay with your decisions!

Deborah Kawashima, C.P.O. a certified professional organizer, founded her company, Creative Organizer in 2004 after working in the fashion industry as a children’s wear designer. Growing up her parents owned Montessori schools,  this natural sense of order influences her approach to organizing, Deborah specializes in working with parents and their kids, focusing on helping parents role model organizational and time management skills to their children. In addition to working with her clients, she is currently a life skills instructor at  UCLA extension Pathway, a unique program for college age students who are developmentally challenged (autism, Asperger’s Disorder etc.).

Got questions? Email her: Deborah@creativeOrganizer.com

Parenting Sucks: Ideas for cheap summer fun with kids

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

I was so looking forward to the end of the school year when I didn’t have to deal with making lunches, fighting about homework, and al the morning battles of getting the kids to school on time.  But now that it’s summer, I’m going crazy dealing with them at home all day. Money’s tight so we’re not doing camps this year. Any ideas of how to stay home and stay sane at the same time?

Kathy

Dear Kathy,

I understand completely. The fantasy of having relaxing summer days with the kids never matches the reality of dealing with them when they’re bored and cranky. With the economy the way it is, there are no doubt plenty of other parents in your shoes and with any luck, you can start your own “camp” where you and another parent can watch each others kids for a few hours a day. Two years back my neighbor and I started what we called Camp Cookie Dough, where three times a week we’d take turns being the counselors and watching all the kids. We’d make camp t-shirts, give manicures and pedicures in our camp colors, do art projects, and of course, make cookies. Of course there were times that taking care of the brood would get so stressful that I’d want to get my tubes tied, but then the next camp meeting I’d have the luxury of having a few hours to myself and it’d be totally worth it.

If you aren’t lucky enough to have other trustworthy moms around, you have to get creative. If you have access to a garden hose, you can turn your backyard into a water park with a few cheap sprinkler head attachments (personally, I hate blow up pools that do nothing but kill the grass and take longer to blow up than the kids actually play in them). When it gets too hot outside, forts are a great indoor game. It always amazes me how long kids can play with a few sheets and sofa cushions. And, when you just can’t take it anymore, take your kids to Ikea. If they’re potty trained and between 37 and 54 inches in height, you can leave them in the kid’s play area for a couple of hours. They can have fun in the ball pit and you can shop til you drop and enjoy some delicious Swedish meatballs and lingonberry jam!

As any mother knows, where there’s a will, and restless kids at home, there’s a way. The internet is filled with cheap activities ideas you can do with your kids so get Googling, and get going!

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.” Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com Email her with your questions: jkimes@sbcglobal.net