Parenting Sucks: Taming homework struggles

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

Now that school is back in full gear, we’re back to having homework struggles. Both of my kids are in elementary school and if it’s this bad now, I can only imagine what’s in store for me down the road as they get older.  How can I get them to do their homework without battles or without me just caving and giving them the answers?

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Let’s face it. Homework is hell. Any relaxation that took place while your kids were in school is instantly sucked dry when homework begins. Instantly the battle cries start: “I can’t do this!” “The teacher never taught me this!” “Why do they have to give us stupid homework anyway?” What kids don’t realize is that parents hate homework as much as they do…maybe even more. So here are some ideas to take the “work” out of homework:

• Let your kids take a break before starting. After school, fix them a snack (and not one that’s high in sugar so they’ll have a hard time sitting still), let them watch TV or play on the computer. These types of calming techniques are like a gin and tonic for the playground crowd.
• Next, pick a fun place to do homework. I know the all and powerful “they” say to have kids do homework in a designated spot everyday, but I disagree. Mix things up and have some fun. If they want to, let them do their homework inside the closet, in the bathtub, or perhaps under the sheets with a flashlight. As long as they get it done, what does it really matter?
• If they have a problem, don’t come to their aid so quickly. Set an egg timer and let them try to do it themselves for a minute or two.  Letting them work the problems out themselves gives them the pride and confidence they need to help them succeed.  If they do need your help, don’t just give them the answer. As the saying sort of goes, “Give a kid a homework problem he gets an A for a day. Teach him how to do it himself, he gets an A for a lifetime.” This also goes for projects. I get so upset when parents help their kids with their school projects. You’re not doing your kids any favors and you’re certainly not pulling the wool over the teacher’s eyes. You think she actually believes your second grader can miter a 45 degree angle on his homemade wooden diorama box?
• When explaining a concept, make it fun. For math, use raisins or chocolate chips to help them grasp concepts (which they can eat if they get the problems right) or make the lesson into a game. For instance, when memorizing times tables, be the emcee and have your kid take one step forward when he solves a problem and one step back when he doesn’t. Give him a reward when he reaches the finish line.

Every parent and kid knows that homework is the boil on the butt of education. But if you try to make it fun and help your kids instead of solve their problems, they’ll learn the more important lesson of gaining confidence and self pride.

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.”  Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com

Email her questions:   jkimes@sbcglobal.net

Parenting Sucks: Over Scheduling Our Children

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

Now that school’s back in full swing, it’s a madhouse at our house. Between school, after school lessons, sports, and dealing with homework, we can’t find time to even sit down together as a family for dinner. Any suggestions on how to manage my time better?

Lynn

Dear Lynn,

 Yes I do have a suggestion, Lynn, but it has nothing to do with managing your time. It has to do with simplifying your life.  Since there are only so many hours in a given day, you have to weed out some of the extra things that overwhelm it. Since school and homework are the only given (as much as your kid may protest), ipso-facto transitive property, you have to get rid of some or all of the after school stuff.

I’m not saying to quit after school activities altogether, but I do suggest that you ease into them. If, after a month of school, your kid can handle the homework load, put one back. If that works out, add another. But if, and only if, you and your child’s stress level can handle it. Remember, there are always weekends for fun activities and your child can get exercise by playing at the park or going on a bike ride like kids used to do back in the old days before the invention of gourmet cooking for tweens and junior gymnasiums. 

These days, our lives, and the lives of our children, are so overscheduled, we don’t have time to smell the roses (or eat a homemade dinner together around the dinner table). Believe me, your child can live without karate and piano lessons. And he can live without being carting around town between his classes, and his sibling’s classes, all afternoon. In fact, your whole family can benefit from an easier, more manageable life, without the constant schlepping and rushing around town.

Also, during these difficult economic times, cutting out classes can save a heck of a lot of money. I know we as parents never want to deny our children anything, but it’s important to put things in perspective. Going into debt, or not contributing to our retirement accounts or our children’s collage fund is far more damaging than denying them cotillion class and modern dance.

So, before you sign up your child for yet another month of baseball, drums, acting and Mandarin Chinese classes, stop and think. If going to those places (or paying for them) isn’t in the best interest of the family, wait a bit.  Maybe next month or next semester things will be easier. Like TIVO and Botox, over scheduling our children’s lives is a product of our times, so let’s simplify our lives, live with less stress, and enjoy life, and those home made dinners, more!

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.” Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com

Email her questions:   jkimes@sbcglobal.net