Parenting Sucks: Surviving Holiday Travel

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

Now that Halloween is over, I’m already dreading the holidays. Each year we visit my family during Thanksgiving, and my husband’s family for Christmas. With two kids under the age of 5, the stress of traveling takes the fun out of the holidays. Any ideas?

Debra

Dear, dear Debra,

 

Oh, how I feel your pain. In generations past, all we did to get to grandmother’s house was go over the river and through the woods. Now holiday travel involves planes, trains, and cars (not to mention gridlock traffic and endless security lines at the airport). Mix that with car seats, strollers, and diaper bags to schlep around, and bored kids who are overtired due to time zone confusion, and you have yourself a very sucky holiday season! I wish there was a magical elf who could zap the stress away, but there’s not. So, until your kids are old enough to zone out for hours in front of iPods or game systems, here are a few ideas to make the holidays a little less sucky:

 

1. Before the trip, get your kids some new traveling toys (they have to be new to have lasting entertainment powers). My favorites were the classics they sell in the toy isle of drug stores. If going by plane, steer clear of things with tiny parts that will roll off the airplane tray again and again and again. For babies that are too young to enjoy toys, get bubble gum. Babies can spend hours (okay, several minutes, but that’s still darn good!) watching you blow bubbles.
2. Choose your traveling snacks wisely. My favorites are those that can double as entertainment. For instance, you can play “guess which hand” with Cheerios and then eaten if guessed correctly. For older kids, give them a baggie filled with Fruit Loops and a string so they can make edible jewelry. Lollypops are ideal too. Yes, they have a lot of sugar, but they take forever to eat. I suggest keeping some in your purse for traveling meltdowns.
3. If possible, keep your kids on the same time zone as home. A tired kid is a cranky kid. A cranky kid is a stressful holiday.
4. If you’re traveling by plane, see if you can book seats on JetBlue, Virgin America, Frontier, or any other airline that has a TV screen in front of every seat. Oh, the beauty of that TV screen!
5. Car travel can be tricky when car sickness is an issue. A child can no longer watch a DVD or read. If car sickness is an issue, have your kid look forward, eat a cracker, or, if he’s old enough, have him suck on a hard candy or mint. You can also roll down his window a little and have him stick his fingers out in the cold air.  Dramamine helps, but it does cause drowsiness, which may not be such a bad thing.

There you go, Debra. A few suggestions on how to survive holiday travel with kids. If none of the above sound like they’ll help, try my last, and best idea: STAY HOME! When little kids are involved, make family and friends come to you. True, having houseguests is a whole different ball of holiday wax stress, but at least you won’t have to leave your house.

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.”  Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com Her latest tome, “Divorce Sucks,”  with Mary Jo Eustace, the woman whose husband left her for Tori Spelling, has been making waves in the press and the book signing circuit.

Email her questions:   jkimes@sbcglobal.net

Parenting Sucks: Discipline Advice

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

My five year-old son won’t listen to me. If he misbehaves, I threaten to punish him, but he won’t stop and keeps doing it anyway. No matter how many times I warn him, he doesn’t seem to care and does whatever he wants to do. Do you have any advice for me?

Thanks,

Carla

Dear Carla,

Actually, I do have some advice, but you’re not going to like it. From what you’ve told me, it seems the source of the problem might be the way you’re handling the situation. When you say, “no matter how many times I warn him,” that’s where the problem may lie. I’m sure you’ve seen parents at the park tell their kid’s that if they bite little Jimmy one more time, they’re going to leave the park, and then when their kid leaves yet another set of teeth marks on poor little Jimmy, they don’t leave! Instead, they threaten their kid again, giving them one more chance. NO! Enough of the chances! Parents need to let their children know that when they say something, they mean business!

If your son acts inappropriately and you tell him if he does it again he’ll be punished (perhaps you’ll take his favorite toy away or he’ll lose TV time, or whatever your child’s “currency” is), you must follow through the first time! If you don’t, and you let his behavior continue, you’re teaching your son that they can keep misbehaving and there won’t be any consequence. And he gets the added bonus of watching mommy turn into a crazed lunatic!

So Carla, right now I’d like you to place your right hand over your heart and pledge that from this day forward, you promise to only give one warning and then follow through. And do this EVERY single time! If you aren’t consistent, you’ll send mixed messages to your child and this can make matters even worse. If you don’t change your ways now, the problems will grow as your kid does and one day in the not too distant future, you’ll be dealing with a son who won’t listen to you AND knows where the car keys are!

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.” Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com

Email her questions:   jkimes@sbcglobal.net

Parenting Sucks!: Getting a head start on chores

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

I struggle everyday to get my kids to do their chores. Any suggestions?

Lyndsay

Dear Lyndsay,

Getting kids to do their chores is like getting medicine out its childproof container: totally infuriating!  But there are some tricks of the trade.

1.    Start young. As soon as your child is old enough to take his toys out of their bins, he’s old enough to put them back. Make it fun by playing “cleanup basketball” (tossing toys back into their container to earn two points), or have a race to see who can put things away the fastest.
2.    As they get older and know where things belong, kids should be responsible for putting their stuff away by themselves. I know it’s faster and easier for you do it, but give your kids an inch, and they’ll take an eternity of whining and procrastination to do chores by themselves in the future.
3.    Have them do family chores as well. If they’re old enough, let them feed the dog, empty the trashcan, even fold the laundry (don’t expect perfection. These are kids, not salespeople at The Gap).
4.    Let them earn extra privileges by doing extra chores. For example, if you only allot a few hours of computer time, they can earn extra minutes by doing things around the house (our policy is getting two minutes of computer time for every one minute of chores).
5.    When it comes to griping and whining about doing chores, try what I do. Let them know in no uncertain terms that if they complain about doing chores, they get more chores. It works like a charm!

It’s important to understand that kids must do chores. Not only does it give them the tools they need to live in the real world, but it teaches kids that they are part of a family where everybody pitches in for the sake of the whole. Besides, (and I can’t stress this enough) kids are NOT at the top of the family food chain. Parents shouldn’t wait on their children, do things they should be doing themselves, or give them more power than they deserve. If they do, kids will grow up helpless and entitled and we’ve all dated enough men like that in the past to know that that’s never a good thing!

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.” Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com

Do you have a question? Email Joanne:  jkimes@sbcglobal.net

Parenting Sucks!: Picky Eaters

BY JOANNE KIMES

Dear Joanne,

My five year old is so picky about eating. I thought he’d grow out of it by now, but he hasn’t. Any ideas?

Cheryl

Dear Cheryl,

Yes I do! I too have a picky eater and I know first hand how frustrating it is to get a kid to eat a variety of foods instead of just mac n’ cheese and some kind of nugget.  But there is hope.  With a few kitchen gadgets, and a few deceptive tactics far greater than any used in the military, your kid will be eating a variety of healthy food (although I don’t think you should tell him that!).

• 

  Hide the good stuff. Long before there were cookbooks (and subsequent lawsuits) by women such as Jerry Seinfeld’s wife, moms were hiding healthy foods in their kid’s diet. My personal favorite hiding place: pancake batter. If lack of protein is your issue, use two egg whites to replace one whole egg. If lack of fiber is the problem, use less flour (or pancake mix) and add flax seed meal, a great source of fiber and omega-3. No matter what you’re hiding, add a splash of vanilla extract to the batter to pump up the flavor so it’s less noticeable. Other ideas are to put pureed carrots in tomato sauce, pureed cauliflower in mac n’ cheese, and even pureed spinach in brownies.

• Make food fun. You think kids would eat celery with peanut butter and raisons if it weren’t called “Ants On A Log”? Give food a silly name or make it more kid friendly, and your child will be gobbling it up faster than sand at the playground! Add a few drops of food color to turn a boring breakfast into “green eggs and ham”. If you child doesn’t like milk, add a few drops of blue to create “Blues Clues Milk”. A once forbidden slice of whole wheat bread will quickly become a favorite if you toast it, cut it into a circle with a large biscuit cutter, scrape off eyes and a smile, and present it as “Tubbie Toast”!
• Make food plain. Finicky kids like things simple and texture free. Strain pulp from orange juice, put canned sauce in a blender to get rid of all those yucky chunks, and don’t even think about adding “lawn” (finicky eater kidspeak for herbs).
• Have your kids help out in the kitchen. If you can get your child to help make their meals, you’ll stand a much better chance of getting them to eat it.
• Use chicken stock or bouillon as a secret weapon. Any food will have a lot more flavor if it’s cooked in stock instead of water. Use it to steam veggies (especially broccoli!) and add some chicken bouillon to pasta water (they’ll even eat whole wheat pasta!).
• Use peer pressure. This same influence that may one day lead to smoking and ultra low ride jeans can actually work in your favor now. If your child sees his friend eating something healthy, there’s a greater chance your kid will eat it too.

Although your child will probably never outgrow his fondness for all things pizza and ice cream (I never did), hopefully these tips will get some healthy food in him so you won’t worry about the other junk he’s putting in his mouth. Except for that playground sand because that’s just gross.

Joanne Kimes is the author of the bestselling “Sucks” series as well as “The Stay-at-Home Martyr.” Visit her at www.sucksandthecity.com

Do you have a question? Email Joanne:  jkimes@sbcglobal..net